Despicable Self
I noticed I've been writing posts about my achievements this month. And I'm not really expressing how I genuinely feel.
To be honest, I feel stuffed. I'm just not used to competing in so many competitions, participating in a lot of activities, and doing what I don't really want to do. I was chasing the 1st honour in our class. It feels so different. 'Cause back then, I've never been this sort of kid. And this attempt is new to me. I was just that kind of kid who wants to be loved, to have true friends, and to just go on with the world. That's the hidden me.
I don't why I changed so much. I became this oh-so serious grade-conscious kid that don't actually have a real social life. Oh, I'm glad there's so many chances that came into my life, alright. I have to admit, sometimes, I don't really want to do it and I miss it. I wasted so many opportunities down the drain. My grandmother, whom I live with, has to make excuses to the teachers and coaches to why I didn't come. We had so many arguments of me changing and having zero discipline. I don't really want what I'm doing right now. There aren't many choices that's why I push myself to do it.
I simply want to go to school and learn that's it. Perhaps it doesn't make sense to you, and I'm making a small conflict big. But think of it, I have to be in many activities that I don't really want to be into. I force myself to socialise and be friends with my classmates that I don't really want to be friends with, I feel like I don't belong. And simply, I have to accept everything to make myself avert from having a bad heck of a reputation and record.
I, myself, had been carried into the car just to compete in the Journalism Contest I'm not ready for and I just don't want it at all. The school staff almost told everybody what happened. I got bruises from all the pulling. I know it's still my fault. I said a yes that didn't come from my heart. Almost everyone heard of it, and they're taking it all on me. The fact that I just embarrassed myself in front of respectable people.
I've became this rebel that just everybody despises. I've became this liar that incurs wrath from people.
To be honest, I feel stuffed. I'm just not used to competing in so many competitions, participating in a lot of activities, and doing what I don't really want to do. I was chasing the 1st honour in our class. It feels so different. 'Cause back then, I've never been this sort of kid. And this attempt is new to me. I was just that kind of kid who wants to be loved, to have true friends, and to just go on with the world. That's the hidden me.
I don't why I changed so much. I became this oh-so serious grade-conscious kid that don't actually have a real social life. Oh, I'm glad there's so many chances that came into my life, alright. I have to admit, sometimes, I don't really want to do it and I miss it. I wasted so many opportunities down the drain. My grandmother, whom I live with, has to make excuses to the teachers and coaches to why I didn't come. We had so many arguments of me changing and having zero discipline. I don't really want what I'm doing right now. There aren't many choices that's why I push myself to do it.
I simply want to go to school and learn that's it. Perhaps it doesn't make sense to you, and I'm making a small conflict big. But think of it, I have to be in many activities that I don't really want to be into. I force myself to socialise and be friends with my classmates that I don't really want to be friends with, I feel like I don't belong. And simply, I have to accept everything to make myself avert from having a bad heck of a reputation and record.
I, myself, had been carried into the car just to compete in the Journalism Contest I'm not ready for and I just don't want it at all. The school staff almost told everybody what happened. I got bruises from all the pulling. I know it's still my fault. I said a yes that didn't come from my heart. Almost everyone heard of it, and they're taking it all on me. The fact that I just embarrassed myself in front of respectable people.
I've became this rebel that just everybody despises. I've became this liar that incurs wrath from people.
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